Who could honestly say this to their mom without getting knocked into the next dimension
fun-size candy bars aren’t fun after you’ve eaten 37 of them
Patrick + Monumentour Meet and Greets
How fucked up is the entire concept of The Parent Trap? These parents have twins but want a divorce so they decide their best course of action is to just each take one and never speak to each other again.
trying to run away from my problems like
I JUST SAW A GUY AT WALMART AND HE LOOKED LIKE MORGAN FREEMAN AND HE CAUGHT ME LOOKING AT HIM AND HE POINTED AT ME AND SAID “IM NOT MORGAN FREEMAN”
Christians call The Bible “the greatest story ever told” almost as if they’ve never heard John Mulaney’s Salt and Pepper Diner
Married life with Ellen and Portia.
IDC HOW MANY TIMES IVE REBLOGGED THIS IT IS LITERALLY MY FAVOURITE FUCKING THING
You are hilarious in everything you do! Are you as nice in person as I assume you are? Nicer.
whoop there it is